I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
