3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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