Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
