i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize