The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Enjoy the penises
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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