There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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