I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
