I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
