we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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