is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
