The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize