During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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