so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
