when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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