Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
