she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
