yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
