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i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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