I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize