Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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