if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
