Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
