A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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