your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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