i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
