You smell like a Billy Joel song
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
