This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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