hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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