all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
