I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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