I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
