I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
