Define "chronic" masturbator.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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