I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
