You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
