If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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