my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
