rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
