Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
