His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
