Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I've blown a few things in my day
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
