You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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