The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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