Need sex. Gaining weight.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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