i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
