Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
