This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
