I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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