your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
