Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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