She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
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we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
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Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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