she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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