xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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