two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
