last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
