I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
