Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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