so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
