How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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