Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
