His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
