I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
