i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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